God is great, God is good...

Let us thank him for our...Life? I don't think that's the way that prayer goes, but we never said it when I was growing up, so I'm not positive. That's besides that point though. I think we should rewrite the prayer to say that, since that's how I'm feeling at the moment.

Yesterday I was able to have a wonderful birthday picnic dinner with friends from church. God showed me his overwhelming love through those wonderful people, and then kept showing it to me through another friend yesterday evening.

I was able to spend about an hour with a really good friend I hadn't seen in a year. She reminded me once again of something I've heard many times before, about how God is a loving father who will not break down doors and make us do what he wants us to do, but he will stand by patiently while we pout and throw our tantrums, and sooner or later we will hopefully turn back and do his will. Or something like that. Last night that actually got through my head, and I believe it. I went home, and spent the next hour crying and writing in my prayer journal for the first time in months.

I really think I should go back to trying to figure out this God as a father thing, it may become a breakthrough for me. I've been thinking back on the past year, and realized that my life has changed dramatically from where it was a year ago, even more dramatically from where it was two years ago. But I was reminded of one of the first truths I learned, as Gods' Word says in Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (emphasis mine.) I'm trying to cling to this truth and hoping it will change my life.

Now, because it's me, there has to be something depressing in this post :P, so here it is. I don't think the enemy likes what happened yesterday, and now I'm sick. Sicker than I've been in a long while (but don't worry, it's not contagious.)

Thank you all for reading, and for sharing my life with me. Feel free to leave me your prayer requests, or e-mail them to me or call me with them if you would feel more comfortable (let me know if you need my e-mail and/or phone number.) I would love to be able to be in prayer for my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially now that I can truthfully say that I'm praying for people.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today was my birthday. It made me realize just how many of my friends have moved in the last year. Last year on my birthday I had a group of people go out to dinner to celebrate, this year I set up an open house from 6-midnight at my place, and had 3 people show up, for an hour. I'm trying not to feel bitter, because I know of at least a few more who said they really wanted to come, they just already had other plans. It's just that this was the first "party" I've tried to have, and I made sure to stock up on pop, made little smokies, and made my mom's recipe of cheese dip, none of which I actually like. Now I have all this stuff and nothing to do with it. I even cleaned the house from top to bottom, I really wanted to show my friends that I'd grown up and can keep a house, but I didn't have the chance.

I had dinner with my family last night, and then spent the night at my mom's in Seward (it was weird staying there again, I haven't stayed a night their for almost 3 years.) It was good I guess, and then my mom and I sat up talking for about 3 hours. Somehow when she gets talking I start feeling guilty and end up spilling my guts to her and telling her everything about my life.

My dad called me today and talked to me for all of about 30 seconds, then said he was going to give my sister the phone because she was the one who wanted to call me anyway. I'm hoping that doesn't mean he didn't want to call me.

Tomorrow I have a picnic dinner planned. So far I've had one family say yes, and another say maybe, so hopefully I'll get to see people then.

Truthfully, I just feel very alone this birthday, and am glad it's over. Maybe it has something to do with Grandpa being gone, most likely it has a lot to do with Grandpa being gone, but somehow I really need to figure out how to get over that.

I'm sorry this post is so depressing, I just needed to put my thoughts down somewhere.

My Birthday

My birthday is coming up on Saturday. I will be 22 years old. Truthfully, I'm not really looking forward to my birthday, since it will be the first one without Grandpa. I'm not liking the fact that life is going on, some days I just want to turn the clock back about two months and freeze it forever.

The day after my birthday is also the day of the 2-month anniversary of Grandpa's death.

I know this probably all sounds depressing, and I'm really sorry, but I needed to write it down.

My mom's been asking me what I want for my birthday. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks, and I finally realized that all I want is to spend time with good friends. Hopefully I can make this happen.

Thanks for listening.