Today was my birthday. It made me realize just how many of my friends have moved in the last year. Last year on my birthday I had a group of people go out to dinner to celebrate, this year I set up an open house from 6-midnight at my place, and had 3 people show up, for an hour. I'm trying not to feel bitter, because I know of at least a few more who said they really wanted to come, they just already had other plans. It's just that this was the first "party" I've tried to have, and I made sure to stock up on pop, made little smokies, and made my mom's recipe of cheese dip, none of which I actually like. Now I have all this stuff and nothing to do with it. I even cleaned the house from top to bottom, I really wanted to show my friends that I'd grown up and can keep a house, but I didn't have the chance.
I had dinner with my family last night, and then spent the night at my mom's in Seward (it was weird staying there again, I haven't stayed a night their for almost 3 years.) It was good I guess, and then my mom and I sat up talking for about 3 hours. Somehow when she gets talking I start feeling guilty and end up spilling my guts to her and telling her everything about my life.
My dad called me today and talked to me for all of about 30 seconds, then said he was going to give my sister the phone because she was the one who wanted to call me anyway. I'm hoping that doesn't mean he didn't want to call me.
Tomorrow I have a picnic dinner planned. So far I've had one family say yes, and another say maybe, so hopefully I'll get to see people then.
Truthfully, I just feel very alone this birthday, and am glad it's over. Maybe it has something to do with Grandpa being gone, most likely it has a lot to do with Grandpa being gone, but somehow I really need to figure out how to get over that.
I'm sorry this post is so depressing, I just needed to put my thoughts down somewhere.
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