Last night I talked with one of my close friends for a couple hours about what's going on in my life. She helped me slow down and understand many of the thoughts that are racing through my head. She also helped me just by listening to me ramble on my feelings about Kristin and what's going to happen in my life in the next couple of months.
Today then I saw Kristin. She said that next time she sees me she will have a summary of me and what I still need to work on to give me. She also gave me the name of another woman she thought would be good for me to meet with. She thinks it would be a better fit for me than the names she gave me last week. This woman used to work in Kristin's office, so she knows her. She has also heard from multiple people that this woman counsels in the same manner as Kristin does, so if someone meshes well with Kristin, they will probably mesh will with her. This woman is also a very strong Christian woman, which is my main criteria when it comes to seeing someone. Strangely enough, this woman's name is also Nicole.
This might seem strange, especially if you know me, but as soon as she started telling me about this woman, I sort of felt a tug inside that said I'm supposed to talk to her. This seems crazy, I'm terrified to talk to someone else, but now I'm actually seriously considering it.
After last week, I wasn't really sure if I should talk to anyone of the people she gave me contact information for. She gave me three names. One of them I'm definitely not pursuing, a second one Kristin didn't seem too sure about and was hesitant to give me the name, and the third she thought might be a good fit, but she wasn't positive that I'd talk to her. She didn't even tell me whether or not she thought I should still see someone.
Now I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything hasty, but I'm not sure if I should wait very long either. It may take awhile to be able to get an appointment with one of these people, and I don't want to get cold feet.
To go back to last night, well, I was finally able (with Crystal's help) to take a step towards God. I was able to pray and talk to him with her, and I felt a little sense of peace for the evening. Sadly it didn't last that long, but maybe if I can keep taking small steps towards him the feeling will last longer each time.
Any thoughts?
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I love you Nicole.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so glad that you started a blog just so you could allow some of your thoughts to process. Writing helps your ramblings have more of a focus. I'm sure you have been dealing with a lot but I am glad to hear from you and even if I just get to read this ever so often - at least I'll know a little bit more of how I can be praying for you.
I know we will talk soon - so I look forward to hearing more.